Making Difficult Decisions

I often struggle with making difficult decisions. Previously, making difficult decisions was just a normal part of life, and I was able to navigate just about anything that was thrown my way. I navigated my way through losing one of the most important people in my life, having to leave everything I’ve ever known and start fresh in a new state, and even changing career paths.

Recently, I have found myself in a situation where I am having to make a difficult decision that is terrifying. The uncertainty of the outcome of this decision is what is scary to me, because this is not a situation like anything I have ever been in before. While somewhere deep down I know that everything will eventually be fine, not knowing what will happen immediately following this decision is something I do not know how to let go of.

However, this decision is based on what I believe is best for my mental health. Is it possible that I have to put myself in what is potentially one of the most terrifying situations in order to get the outcome I am looking for?

Another part of this is the fact that I have become so reliant on my partner. Due to the issues I’ve had in the past and recovering from situations with previous partners, he carries the bulk of our life on his shoulders, which really bothers me. It also bothers me that I went from making great money and being 100% self-sustaining to making enough to survive and having to trust that he is going to make sure everything else is fine. He has never once made me feel bad for my situation, nor blamed me for it, but because of my hyper-independence and past experiences, I have been in a state of complete chaos for quite a while now. Unfortunately, at the current moment, I do not have insurance, so I am utilizing resources from the university I am getting my online degree from.

I know things will get better, deep down, I truly believe that. I have been in a winning season before, and I will get there again. It’s the figuring out how to cope with these majorly difficult decisions that are adding to the anxiety when theyre supposed to be helping calm it.